Category: Neuroscience

It is finally here — Day One of a brand new year. What makes a new year feel like a blank canvas where we get to choose what gets painted on to it? Is it a renewed hope that this new year will surely be less stressful and uncertain than last? Pulling a thread from my blog post Brand New Kind of Conditioning, it seems we should be prepared to go into this new year accepting that uncertainty will always be with us. However there will be many choices that will be entirely up to each of us individually to make over the course of the next 365 days. Our best resource for making wise choices is a gift that we give to ourselves — the gift of self-awareness.

I binge-watched the last season of the Crown recently and found myself intrigued when Queen Elizabeth was stunned by Margaret Thatcher’s pronouncement that her son was her favorite child. Queen Elizabeth did not think it was possible for her to have a favorite child. When Prince Philip turned to her and said “your lack of self awareness is surprising,” it set her on a quest to discover what he so clearly already knew. After spending time with each of her four children, she came to realize that she did in fact have a favorite. In subsequent episodes, you begin to see Queen Elizabeth’s self-awareness unfold in other areas of her life as well.

A similar scenario played out with the character Billie in the Netflix series Offspring. While it takes a few seasons of Billie repeating her same old behavioral patterns, she eventually hits rock bottom and does some serious self-discovery work. It’s easy to relate to Billie for all she wants is a life of her own and to feel valued for who she is. Just like we all do.

It’s easy to watch these shows and see so clearly where the characters are making a mess of things so unnecessarily. It is not so easy to recognize that we too might be falling into some of those same patterns. Very often, we are not consciously aware — just like Queen Elizabeth. For the record, Prince Philip had to go through his own self-awareness process when he hit a “late in life” crisis. It seems apparent that he thought it was a very worthwhile endeavor.

How often have you read a Facebook post by an 80 year old espousing wisdom on leading a more fulfilling life? Or heard a dear friend confide “I wish I had learned this when I was 30.” These are self-discovery insights. They may feel just like the the nudge that Phillip gave to Queen Elizabeth. That nudge is an invitation to get to know yourself well.

There are a plethora of tools to help you get started on this whole self discovery process. My personal favorite is the Enneagram. Ian Cron’s Book “The Road Back to You” is a great primer for anyone new to the Enneagram. Prepare to be surprised when you discover what your Enneagram type is — and how accurate it is! The best part about working with the Enneagram is that you will readily recognize where your blind spots are. Once you have that awareness, you’ll pay closer attention. As Maya Angelou said “When you know better, you do better.”

The next best resource (in my opinion) is a trusted friend. It is said that a truly trusted friend is like a mirror. A trusted friend will give you honest feedback without judgment. If you are fortunate enough to have such a friend, you will be helping each other increase self-awareness. From my personal experience, having a trust buddy who was willing to help me on my personal growth journey has proven to be one of the most significant relationships in my life. We help each other uncover what we need to work on, we listen when that work is hard, we celebrate when we witness transformation and we continue to hold each other accountable. My trust buddy is my anchor in life. We got tested in a many ways throughout the past year of pandemic and uncertainty. Not surprisingly, we also learned a lot more about ourselves in the process.

Some other resources are strength assessment tests, personality tests like Myers-Briggs, journaling and guided meditation. The Headspace app for meditation is an easy way to get started with guided meditation. Even if you can’t stop that racing mind right away, the nuggets of wisdom that Andy Puddicombe offers at the onset of the short practice will stay with you all day. That alone will increase your self-awareness.

When I got to know myself better, I started to make changes that brought significant benefits to me, my family and my friends. I no longer ruminate which has given me back oodles of time to focus on the present moment. I pay attention to my “warning signals” as Brene Brown calls them As an example, resentment usually means I have not set a boundary. I have learned to “not be attached to the outcome” and that allows me to be more flexible and open minded.

I continue to give myself the gift of getting to know myself better. I don’t think that ever stops. Neuroscientists tell us that we change with every conversation we have, the books we read, the news we watch — all of our experiences. When we have an increased self-awareness, we actually give ourselves the gift of staying in control and making good decisions. So while this brand spanking new year might have surprises and uncertainties in store for us, we still get to be in control of our choices of how we will respond.

Worth Checking Out:

Headspace https://www.headspace.com/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=1919439341&utm_content=68065219102&utm_term=409649586657&headspace&gclid=CjwKCAiArbv_BRA8EiwAYGs23KF7Yw2BYK00GVvDz3ekzBOeIWJNVnZe3sWvSx8PIt3XQja__Yz-LBoCCmUQAvD_BwE

It is fascinating to learn about how malleable our brains really are. My big discovery recently was about how the daily ebb and flow of our emotions actually contribute to overall longer lasting good moods. Incredible findings are being made at the crossroads of neurobiology, neuroscience and the study of the roots of compassion, happiness and altruism.

My keen interest in neuroscience has reached a new level now that I’ve discovered dynamic researchers on the subject who are relatable, witty, and possess an engaging enthusiasm about their work. They share their complex findings in digestible, meaningful ways that helps us take better care of our brains. In the past, so much focus in clinical psychology was on anxiety, sadness and depression. Now there are studies being done on positive emotions and moods — and their major benefits for our mental health and overall quality of life.

A shining example of this research is the “Awe Walk”, which is a white paper published by Dr. Dacher Keltner and the Greater Good Science Center in Berkley. Participants in this study were given a few simple instructions and told to go outdoors once a week and look for something that felt like “awe” to them. From personal experience, I can tell you that a walk outdoors with a curious three year old will open your eyes to a myriad of small wonders that evoke a sense of awe. It was revealed in this study, that the participants who were 75 years old or older tended to be a little more anxious. Over time, with a regular weekly practice of taking the “Awe Walk”, these older participants gravitated toward that space where they were recognizing “awe” in their daily lives — the beauty of their partner’s face, how delectable their meal looked. They were cultivating both awareness and appreciation of the small things in life that felt good. In turn, their anxiety levels were reduced.

Dr. Keltner also collaborated with Pixar on the movie “Inside Out“. If you are familiar with the animated film, Inside Out, then you know that its focus was on our 5 basic emotions — Anger, fear, sadness, disgust and joy. Dr. Keltner describes these five as our core “fight or flight emotions”.

A deeper dive into the world of emotions by Dr. Keltner and his research team discovered that there are not just 5, but 20 distinct and fundamental emotions that we experience in our social lives. These twenty emotions are very much intertwined in all our relationships – with ourselves, at home, at work and in our communities.

Just when you think that is enough to digest, Dr. Rick Hanson added that our physical and attitudinal responses also get “mushed together” with our emotions as we go through our normal days. Our bodies just organically react to emotions we are feeling – a racing heart, a sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach, tingles down the spine or flush of heat on our cheeks. Unknowingly, we can be predisposed by our attitudes towards others to have very different emotions to a given situation just because of the people involved.

Dr. Hanson also points out that we move through our daily experiences in a fluid space of different emotional qualities in a very intimate way. We all experience a wide range of emotions each day and some are strong and some are just bland. Just for fun, track even a portion of your day, to get some real insight into your own emotional ranges.

I did that little experiment yesterday which included overly excited grandchildren FaceTiming me about Christmas, big chunks of solitude since I am home alone, two hours of watching football and rooting for my team with wild abandon, basking in the warmth of the sun in the late afternoon, having a spontaneous dance party in the kitchen while preparing my dinner and then reading about some heartbreaking news on a Facebook post. I confess that I was surprised at the data and marveling that what seemed like an overall benign kind of day was chock full of these 20+ emotions.

Dr. Hanson shared an insight that is significant and directly correlates with the Awe Walk research. As we go through our day, we have residues of our emotional experiences that sink in. He recalled the traditional saying that “your mind takes its shape from what it repeatedly rests upon“. The Awe Walk supports the evidence that ‘if you repeatedly experience moments of gratitude, authentic experiences of grit and resilience, confidence and open-heartedness, those accumulated positive residues become internalized in neurobiological ways.”

He went on to say over time, you will increasingly find yourself centered in a mood that reflects those positive traits. The link between our emotions and our general mood is in the “collecting” of those positive emotional residues that moves you into your preferred space of well being.

Dr. Keltner reinforced this when he said “the challenge of life is to gravitate to the space that you desire.” How do you move into these spaces? “You practice, you get outside, you think about what you are grateful for.”

I love the simplicity of this prescription for cultivating positive, happy, resilient moods. Make it a daily practice to look for the awe and to be grateful. The more you stay present in the moment, the greater your chances of realizing your own personal awe and moments of gratitude. Tuck those moments in your heart and your neurobiology. Prepare to be amazed at what this practice will do for your overall well being.

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES:

Being Well Podcast with Dr. Dacher Keltner:

https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast-compassion-power-and-human-nature-with-dr-dacher-keltner/

Greater Good Science Center:

https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/?_ga=2.99230044.398964819.1608999802-1116506463.1608999802

Greater Good Magazine: The Science of a Meaningful Life

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/?_ga=2.132729164.398964819.1608999802-1116506463.1608999802

My first exposure to the calming powers of a few deep breaths was prenatal classes in 1976 as I was preparing for the birth of my first child. As it turns out, my son decided to arrive almost two months early and very quickly, so I didn’t have a full appreciation for the secret powers of deep cleansing breaths and slowing my heart rate. But I never forgot the lesson and often joked that I used the childbirth breathing method more for painful dentist appointments and getting my children to calm down when they got hurt than for birthing my 3 children.

In fact, my daughter will tell you that I would dispense this advice often to her throughout her childhood : “Take three deep calming breaths” — for everything from needing stitches, to taking her driver’s exam and surviving a breakup with a boyfriend. She just smiles these days when she sees me kneel down and begin to console my grandchild with the same age-old advice –“let’s take a few deep calm breaths together.“

Recently, it dawned on me that I’d had another significant lesson about the marvels of breath control over 25 years ago in Cozumel. Sitting on the bow of a dive boat rocking gently in Caribbean crystal blue waters, a skilled and highly intuitive young divemaster prepared us for a multi-level dive. We’d drop in to about 35 feet of water and explore the sandy ocean floor, swaying seaweed filled with brightly colored tropical fish and breathtaking sculptures of coral reef formations. Then we would proceed to the wall, which starts at about 50 feet and plunges down to over 3,000 feet. We would hang out at about 75-80 feet, exploring the nooks and crevices of the wall for sea creatures. I recall gazing out into the expansive abyss of the ocean and seeing the largest grouper of my life slowly approaching. It was a spell binding and heart racing moment.

Part of the scuba diving gear is a Bouyancy Control Device (BCD) which is a snug vest that connects to the pressurized air tank. With a gentle squeeze of a small hand held pump on this BCD, you can add air to ascend and remove air to descend. Today however, our challenges to navigate tight spaces without harming coral reefs and ocean creatures, would require a more nuanced, skillful way to rise and fall as gently as the sea’s own currents. The lesson that day on the bow of the dive boat was how to use our breath, and not the BCD, to rise and fall as needed. Using our lungs to ascend and descend in tiny increments made us more nimble, conserved the air in our tanks and as it turned out, kept us more relaxed and alert on that most incredible, memorable dive. I think it is the reason that this memory remains so vivid after all this time. I believe I was more present on that dive than any other.

We got to practice using our lungs rather than BCD underwater on the shallow, sandy ocean floor. I was like a little kid as I would breathe in and hover just an inch above that sandy bottom. Then a deep slow inhale and I would rise as gently as a balloon in slow motion. I could hear the distinctively different sounds my own breath made as in inhaled and exhaled in a calm, rhythmic way.

A few days ago, I was doing a new meditation pack on my Headspace app and as I prepared, I closed my eyes and took a deep slow inhale. That Cozumel memory came floating right into my senses – I listened carefully to the sound of my inhale and exhale, I felt my body relax and my heart rate slow, I felt the expansion of breath is my lungs and how that made me feel light. Then the release of breath and the accompanying release of thought and tension — a soothing peace washing over me.

There are a few connections that I have subsequently made after this flashback. The first connection was pretty obvious. Whenever I am faced with something scary or contentious, I find myself just naturally anchoring myself with a big deep calming breath. Five years of meditation has made this an automatic response for me now. It is not just the physical act of taking a deep breath. It is the association that I make with it so naturally now — that taking a deep breath is my anchor to being grounded and calm.

I’ll give a shout out to Dr. Rick Hanson right here for teaching me that it is totally possible to rewire the brain and make these incredible positive associations my new natural response. Steady practice is the key and it is also part of my daily self care regimen.

The second big connection I made is that we do multi-level dives often in our lives. We can be hanging out in the shallow end of life’s pool, just enjoying a good book and a cup of coffee and then suddenly the phone rings and we get news that brings us to our knees. How we respond not only affects us but all of those around us too. On that multi-level dive in Cozumel, it was instilled in us to protect the fragile, innocent and incredibly beautiful undersea world that we were visiting. Reflecting on this has given me a greater awareness of how we should consider this lesson as we go about our lives and interact with others. Taking a deep calming breath is a great place to start.